NBA’s Heaviest Teams for the 2016-2017 Season

Obit Traylor Basketball

There are a few inherent problems when determining the NBA’s heaviest (or lightest) teams for the 2016-2017 season.

One, weights fluctuate, especially in professional athletes.  A player will be six-foot-six all season but he probably won’t be 225 pounds every moment of every day.

Two, rosters fluctuate.  For this list, we used each team’s 15-man roster at the end of the calendar year of 2016.  As we get closer to playoff time, fatties may be traded for beanpoles and vice versa.  Teams may weigh considerably more or less come the second season.

Lastly, I don’t think any of the weights used in our calculations reflect the player’s actual girth.  Why is that?

NBA players lie about their weight.  Skinny guys lie to be larger and fat guys lie to be leaner.  I bet every center weighs 10 to 20 pounds more, and most point guards weigh 5 to 10 pounds less, than what it says in the press guide.

The numbers we have may not be the players’ actual weights, but they certainly work for comparison purposes.  Ultimately, that’s all we’re doing.  It’s not that important to know exactly what every team weighs, but it is important to know what they weigh relative to one another.

When possible, we tried to point out teams that are young, old, tall, and/or short.  Our logic being young and short teams should be relatively light while old and tall teams should be relatively heavy.  You’ll soon learn that that is not always the case.

The difference between the lightest and heaviest team is 225 pounds.  That may not seem like a lot but it’s actually greater, percentage wise, then the difference between heights.  The NBA’s tallest team this year is 80.40 inches while the shortest is 78.20.

San Antonio Spurs – 3195 lbs.

The old guys are in shape.  The Spurs are the NBA’s third oldest team as well as its scrawniest.

Roy Hibbert

Charlotte Hornets – 3246 lbs.

Hornets are the second lightest team despite center Roy Hibbert’s 270-pound frame.

Phoenix Suns – 3252 lbs.

Point guard Tyler Ulis is the NBA lightest player.  He only weighs a buck-fifty.

Center Cristiano Felicio
Center Cristiano Felicio

Chicago Bulls – 3254 lbs.

Center Cristiano Felicio tips the scales at 275.  Still, the Bulls are the Association’s fourth thinnest club.

New York Knicks – 3260 lbs.

It’s interesting that the Knicks are so dainty despite being the NBA’s third tallest team.

Dallas Mavericks – 3270 lbs.

Again, old guys know how to stay in shape. The Mavs have the league’s fourth oldest roster.

Festus Ezeli
Festus Ezeli

Portland Trail Blazers – 3271 lbs.

Center Festus Ezeli is the only Blazer player listed at more than 250 pounds.  He’s 255.

Oklahoma City Thunder – 3278 lbs.

Point guard Russell Westbrook, weighs an even 200.  There’s a triple-double joke in there somewhere.

Houston Rockets – 3280 lbs.

Guard Patrick Beverley is listed at 185.  While small forward Corey Brewer is listed at 186.  Was that planned?

Washington Wizards– 3293 lbs.

Everyone on the Wizards weighs more than 190 pounds.

Orlando Magic – 3296 lbs.

The Magic’s four centers weigh more than half a ton.

Boston Celtics – 3298 lbs.

We expected the Celtics to be like gossamer on a parquet floor.  They are, after all, the NBA’s shortest team.

New Orleans Pelicans – 3308 lbs.

Point guard Tim Frazier is tied with Knicks point guard Brandon Jennings for league’s fourth wispiest baller.  They both weigh 170 L-bees.

Memphis Grizzlies – 3314 lbs.

Guard Vince Carter (39) is the NBA’s oldest player but he’s still a chiseled 220 pounds.

Toronto Raptors – 3316 lbs.

“We the North” are the third youngest team in the NBA but are smack dab in the middle when it comes to kilograms (1504.112 kg).

Sergio Rodriguez

Philadelphia 76ers – 3318 lbs.

The Sixers are the youngest NBA squad as well as one of the tallest.  Only point guard Sergio Rodriguez (176 pounds) weighs less than two bills.

Cleveland Cavaliers – 3326 lbs.

Small forward Lebron James (250 pounds) is the Cavs third heaviest player.  The franchise also has the league’s oldest, and second shortest, roster.

Atlanta Hawks – 3328 lbs.

The Hawks are the fifth oldest and fourth tallest team in the NBA.  No wonder they are also the 13th heftiest.

265-pound Derrick Favors

Utah Jazz – 3332 lbs.

We thought the “heaviest” jazz player was Charlie Parker.  All joking aside, 265-pound Derrick Favors is the heaviest Utah player.

Denver Nuggets – 3332 lbs.

The Nuggets are buoyed by one of the thickest players in the Association, the 280-pound center Jusuf Nurkic.

Sacramento Kings – 3336 lbs.

We’re getting into treadmill time.  The Kings are the tenth heaviest team in the NBA.

Miami Heat – 3341 lbs.

The Heat have 830 pounds in shooting guards alone.

Brooklyn Nets – 3342 lbs.

Center Brook Lopez is listed at a svelte 275 lbs.

Center Nikola Pekovic (307 pounds)
Center Nikola Pekovic (307 pounds)

Minnesota Timberwolves – 3350 lbs.

The T-Wolves roster contains the NBA’s heaviest player, center Nikola Pekovic (307 pounds), and the NBA’s third lightest player, point guard John Lucas III (166 pounds).  That’s a difference of 141 pounds.

Los Angeles Lakers – 3351 lbs.

The Lakers have two teenagers on their roster.  Small forward Brandon Ingram is 190 pounds.  Center Ivica Zubac is 265 pounds.  Both are 19.

Milwaukee Bucks – 3367 lbs.

The Bucks are the NBA’s tallest team so it’s no surprise that they are also tied for the fourth heaviest.

Indiana Pacers – 3367 lbs.

This is a surprise as the Pacers are the NBA’s third shortest team.  By the way, center Al Jefferson weighs 289.

Los Angeles Clippers – 3376 lbs.

The Clippers are old (NBA’s second oldest group) and apparently fat.  They have four players who weigh over 250 pounds.

Golden State Warriors3400 lbs.

The corpulent Warriors are the Association’s second lankiest team.

Center Boban Marjanovic with wife
Center Boban Marjanovic with wife

Detroit Pistons – 3420 lbs.

The “Pig-stons” have the league’s tallest, and second heaviest player, in center Boban Marjanovic.  He’s 7’ 3” and weighs 290 pounds.  Also in the top five of girth is center Andre Drummond (279 pounds).